Every once in awhile the niggling fear of the unknown makes its way to the front of my mind and causes a smallish case of nerves.  This morning I awoke feeling a bit apprehensive because Dr. L. has not called me with test results.  She told me that the bone marrow biopsy results would take about two weeks and that she would call me when she knew anything.  The last time I saw her, she didn’t yet have results from the gallium scan or the bone scan either.

Tuesday would have been two weeks for the bone marrow biopsy, and I haven’t heard anything.  I am hoping it is simply the case that Dr. L. has been wildly busy, or that the results have been delayed — not that Dr. L. is sick and away from work or that she has bad news for me and doesn’t want to tell me over the phone.  Rationally, I know that it is pointless to worry, that in all likelihood everything is fine and that even if the news isn’t great, worrying won’t change the outcome.  Still, in spite of my best efforts, that niggling doubt remains.

Whatever the reason for the delay, I am bound to learn something on Tuesday when I see Dr. L. once again.  Oddly, I am looking forward to Tuesday (because I hope to get answers), but dreading Wednesday (when I will begin my second chemo cycle).

The good news is that Monday is Thanksgiving here in Canada.  I am looking forward to a big, family get-together (a sure distraction from the niggling doubt).  I love this holiday, probably because there are so many blessings in my life.  If you are reading this blog, I’m guessing that you, too, enjoy a large number of blessings.  So, to plagiarize a popular “grace”, . . . for all that we receive each day, let us be truly thankful.

Amen.