It has been a  long time since I have blogged, primarily because I haven’t felt that I have had anything worthwhile to say, and partially because I have been extraordinarily tired since late July.  To those who care, I offer my sincere apologies.

It seems that my “new normal” involves feeling wretched physically (I’m exhausted and in pain all the time, and I have bouts of mild to moderate nausea at least a few days each week.)  In spite of my physical limitations though, I am pretty content and happy.  The things I strive for now are different than they used to be.  For the past two weeks, I have been trying mightily to a) make it to the gym even once and b) get some dusting, mopping, etc. done around here.  I haven’t been successful with either one of those things yet, but I will keep trying, and I have faith that I will ultimately manage.  I think it’s the having and reaching of goals that keeps us hopeful, whatever those goals may be.

I’ve been attending church off and on with my friend P., this fall.  After church, we go out for brunch.  It’s wonderful to see her each week and to have a chance to catch up on what’s going on in her life.  I am incredibly blessed by the people in my life.  If it weren’t for my extraordinary friends, I would be miserable.  Instead, I am blessed and happy.

I had an interesting day on Monday of this week.  First, I saw my friend L., who is at home suffering with pneumonia.  I took her a book and an apple crisp to help her pass the time as she recovers.  L. is an extraordinary woman, someone I have admired since I first met her over a decade ago.  She is extremely intelligent, worldly, concerned about others and about the environment.  She is very knowledgeable with respect to a myriad of topics, so discussions with her are wonderful.  However, it’s her caring and empathy that really shine through when you speak with her.  Amazingly, she even does pneumonia with aplomb.  One of the great things about having so many truly phenomenal people in my life is that they all give me models to strive for.  Anyway, I hope L. will be feeling much better soon.  Right now, she needs to rest, but as soon as she’s well again, the world needs her back out there, making the tremendous difference that she does every day.

After seeing L., I had an appointment with a new doctor, a neurologist.  The appointment was pretty depressing.  The doctor asked me why I was there, then asked me questions about my medical history.  Even after I explained everything, he kept getting facts confused, and I was forced to correct him several times.  I don’t think he ever did get things straight.  He then did a number of neurological tests.  One of them involved straight leg raising with my left leg maybe 35 degrees above the examining table.  He then pressed on my leg, and asked me to resist.  That test took all my strength and was extremely painful, but perhaps because I didn’t yelp or moan or cry, he seemed completely oblivious.  When he was finished with everything, he told me that there was no reason for the balance problems I have been having.  He said he would arrange for an MRI of my spine, “in the interest of being comprehensive”, but he really doesn’t think it’s going to show anything of consequence.  He grudgingly stated that the difficulties could be “a diffuse effect of the chemo”, but basically, he left me with the impression that he thinks I am either making this up or I am insane.  Of course, both Terry and the rheumatology fellow in Winnipeg have seen me fall over for no apparent reason, so I suppose that means they are also insane.  Sigh. . .

At any rate, I got a call from the hospital this afternoon.  A woman from the diagnostic imaging department asked me if the neurologist’s office had informed me that I had an appointment for an MRI this morning.  I said, “No!”  She replied, “I didn’t think they did.”  She then made a new appointment for me next Tuesday.  Evidently the days of waiting six months for an MRI are a thing of the past.  I don’t know if that’s because Thunder Bay has two MRI machines now, or if it’s that cancer survivors jump the queue.  I hope it’s the former.  Otherwise, it doesn’t seem even remotely close to fair.

On a brighter note, the weekend is here!  To all you Monday to Friday warriors, enjoy your time away from the daily routine.  Refresh, recharge and do something joyful this weekend.  🙂

And most importantly, remember that you are loved.